Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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