K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
