I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
