Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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