Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
