i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
