ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize