I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
