There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
sex in a hospital.. check
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize