One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
