im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
