There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
this just has baby written all over it
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize