I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
