I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
