He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Barsexuality is the new black.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
