this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
