Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
