listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Randomize
