Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
