Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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