worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
