you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
