I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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