I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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