i already hear my dad disowning me
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
