You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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