I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
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