you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
