it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
