??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i would punch a child for taco bell
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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