and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
