That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
