It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The uberlube is also flammable
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
