I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
