i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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