He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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