Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I want a musical about memes.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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