Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
