I think my vagina is haunted
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
