Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
