Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
