im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize