I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
