I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I can't turn off my feet"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Come on in and take your pants off
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