I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Dicks are not precious.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
