Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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