Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
