He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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