Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
