he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
