I like my sex mixed with concussions.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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