his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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