dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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