He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
