i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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