i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
