wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
