i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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