dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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