Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
