my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
