Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
