Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
