I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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