so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
