We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
