she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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