all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
