I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
