Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
