the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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