yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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