You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize