And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
