So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
