You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
