you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
