I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
