So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
